I started to feel crappy and not myself on Saturday night.  I had no appetite (which is soooo abnormal, I love food!), felt slightly nauseous, and was constipated (I would apologize for that being TMI but if you’ve been reading my blog then that’s the least of the things to apologize for!).  I took it pretty easy the rest of the night – laid on the couch, went to bed early, hubby brought me soup.  When I woke up I felt just as bad if not worse.  I was in and out of the bathroom all morning and still no appetite what so ever.  I couldn’t move out of bed without feeling weak.  I couldn’t even make it to my step-grandmother’s funeral which I felt awful about but if there was ever a time to take my health seriously, it was now.  I needed to take it easy and be 100% for the day of my embryo transfer.  I just couldn’t snap out of it tho and my constipation turned into quite the opposite problem (gross I know, but we’ve all been there).  I battled this through out the day and when Brandon came back from the funeral he laid in bed with me and took care of me (like he has been doing).  I was trying to stay hydrated with Gatorade and water.

The IVF team warns you about getting OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome) after your egg retrieval, so while the thought had crossed my mind that this is what it could be I knew it wasn’t.  I had none of the symptoms of it.  I wasn’t bloated, vomiting, didn’t have abdominal pain and I didn’t gain any weight – you gain weight with OHSS from all the retained fluid.

When I woke up Monday morning I still felt awful.  I weighed myself to ensure I hadn’t gained and I found that I actually lost 7lbs since my egg retrieval.  Whoa.  When I saw that I lost that much weight in just 4 days I became concerned.  I started to put on my scrubs to get ready to go to work but I just couldn’t do it.  I still felt like a turd and once again it wasn’t worth it to push myself so I ended up calling in.  I hate calling in but I wasn’t taking any chances.  I emailed my nurse right away as the office wasn’t open yet.  No returned call.  Finally my IVF nurse called to give us our time slot for our embryo transfer and I told her what was going on and said I had not heard back from my regular nurse.  She spoke with the doctor on the floor at the time and they advised me to make an appointment with my regular physician so he cold prescribe me something.  They couldn’t since “it wasn’t fertility related.”  The transfer was up in the air at the point.  I had to be healthy enough.

Thoughts – Uhh seriously? I’m pretty sure any doctor can prescribe something for diarrhea.  I was pissed.  I’ve been in and out of their centers for the past 6 months but they want me to go somewhere else?  Not cool.  I felt like I was pushed to the side and my issues weren’t important to them.  Fortunately, this is the first time I have ever felt this way when dealing with my fertility center so I let it slide.

I did what they instructed and made an appointment with my regular doctor who was luckily able to fit me in that day.  He thinks I was reacting to the z-pack I was on and said I was safe to move forward with my embryo transfer tomorrow.

Thank God.

Disclaimer – Brandon suggested we stay in the city again as there was a snow storm warning in effect until the following day at 4 o’clock.

I did not want to sleep in the city again.  I still wasn’t feeling 100% and wanted to sleep in my own bed.

What a mistake.

What’s usually a 30-45 minute drive took 2 hours.  2 fucking hours.

The drive consisted of a lot of “you were right” Brandon.  Boy was he in his glory to hear that.

We got to our appointment about 10 minutes late but they understood due to the shit storm that was occurring outside.  They brought us back to the procedure room and the embryologist came in.  She gave us an update on our embryos and told us about the one they would be transfering today.  She described it as a beautiful embryo with a perfect grade of 1aa – the best grade you can get.  Wow.  I got teary eyed.  What amazing news.  She then said 4 of the remaining embryos had stopped growing and 2 they would watch over night and see if they’re strong enough to freeze.  She said she’d call the following day with an update.  I couldn’t even get upset over losing the others after hearing the perfect one we had for transfer.

The nurse came in to check that my bladder was full enough and before I knew it the room was filled with people ready to get me pregnant.  The TV on the wall flashed to an image of our embryo so we could see it before transfer.  Everyone started commenting how beautiful it was.  Doctor said it looked like something he’d show other patients to show them what an good embryo should look like on transfer today.

To me it looked like a blob.  But it was my beautiful little blob.

After we got a picture of the embryo it quickly got sucked up into the catheter and was given to the doctor for him to do his thing.  The nurse on the ultrasound machine pointed out everything on the screen for me and within seconds my little embaby was safely inside my uterus.  Hopefully making itself at home and getting cozy.

The picture on the left is our little embryo and the right is our first ultrasound.  There’s a very small white arrow pointing to where it is in my uterus.

Now we wait.  The dreaded two week wait.  One of the worst, if not the worst parts of trying to have a baby.  The time where you over-analyze every little symptom or feeling your having.  One day you convince yourself you’re pregnant and then next you’ve convinced yourself it definitely didn’t work and probably never will and you’re just a huge failure.  Good God is this gonna be hard.

I must remember that Google is my enemy and not my friend.

Oh and we got the update on the rest of our embryos.  None of them made it to freeze.  I was devastated and had a sob fest when I got the news but I had to let it go.  There is a little embryo inside me that needs me to remain stress-free.

I’m not sure when the next update will be but please please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  I hope our little one is getting comfy and cozy for the next 9 months ♥